A letter to the collective unconscious

Dear Universe,

Things haven't been so smooth, lately. I know life throws a few curve balls once in awhile, to keep us on our toes - I know I was overdue. It had been years since my last desperate tragedy, and here I am thinking I'm an adult cause I'm all married and ... oh right, everything else is exactly the same except that one little indication that I'm no longer an irresponsible kid, nevermind. I still have no money, I still have only an undergraduate degree (in art, for fucks sake) and no kids of my own to take care of, thank GOD.

So, is this your way of reminding me that I still need to grow up? Turn 28, realize I work at a coffee shop (again) and I have no money to do anything fun (and can still barely pay my bills - my fault, I know, for quitting my desk job where I made tons of money and was miserable.) So you coordinate both my and my husbands cars kicking the bucket at the same time, to remind me I need to do more with my life? Is that it?

(...DOESN'T ANYONE WANT TO BUY A FUCKING PAINTING?)

(Oh right, you do, but you can't afford to spend that much on ART. Plane tickets, clothing, the newest iPhone, 1/4 of your monthly rent, your electricity bill, a weekend at a festival...)

On top of that, I feel so out of the loop with most of my friends that I'm reminded of high school social drama - that same feeling that rises up in your throat, where you fear that you're actually not worth two shits and no one cares if you're hanging out with them or not, you may as well not even exist - and it all seems to stem down to not having enough money or time. How do the rest of you people do it? Aren't you hurting, suffering just like us? Or do you have it all figured out...

Universe, I'm trying - I'm trying as hard as I can. Please help me out a bit, now, take the reins,
show me the way. I'll learn, I'll do better next time, I'll survive it and be stronger and better and faster than I was the day before. Otherwise, if that's how it's gonna be - no wonder we seek to lose ourselves in the mundane and the temporary. There's too much out there, it's too monotonous, it's too heavy.

My lids grow heavy, Universe, and I have much to do. I'm working on things, trying to, to better my creative endeavors. At the end of the day, I'll never stop doing that, it's the least I owe myself. Do what you love.