Bummer Summer

I'm sorry about the whining, in advance. This is the secret blog - this is the place where I can write whatever the fuck I want, and if you read it and don't like it... well... don't read it.

I have always, unfortunately, found myself more or less at the mercy of my emotions. I am the first one to agree that this is a quality somewhat common in most "modern" women and because of this, it may not seem special enough to be considered a serious problem. My husband, however, would probably argue otherwise. Each woman is always the only one, the craziest one, and no one is ever like us. Except that this isn't just my problem, this is an issue that plenty of my friends in relationships seem to echo. It's just how things are, sometimes - women are, by nature, way more emotional than men and sometimes, it is a difficult thing to control.

This week I have gone through many emotions, though none really as intense and heart wrenching as they have the potential to be or have been in the past. I have felt melancholy... a little lonely... pissed off, angry, then depressed, melancholy and lonely again. And there was certainly some "happy" in there, too, but this isn't a blog post about "happy", now is it.

I'm pissy for the second weekend in a row that the majority of my friends are out of town at festival-in-July number three. And last weekend was my birthday. Three people came out to the bar and had drinks with me. I was invited to go to Camp Bisco and perform last weekend, but since I wasn't getting paid and it would have required both Alex and I to take off more days from both our jobs since PEX fest, I had to decline. Everyone else still went. Feels like high school or something, some lame kind of left out loser bullshit, but whatever. I feel like the only dirt poor one who literally can't afford not to work. I already took off Fourth of July weekend for PEX fest earlier this month, and having just started a new job there was no way I could swing it and make it work. Just. Too. Poor.

So it's 1 am on a Friday night and I'm sitting at home. The most exciting thing I did today was go to the grocery store with my honey. I've been listening to music and researching burlesque videos to get ideas. I perform next weekend (get paid, how about that?) in Baltimore for a friends event at the infamous Club Orpheus, which I used to go to while I lived there to get my goth on.

So, I know it's not totally hopeless. I get to be the star for a night, all by myself, in a city I don't live in anymore. I'm relaxed at least, sitting here at home, enjoying some tunes, being inspired by fabulous West Coast burlesque performers, like Inga Ingenue. (I freaking love her, I decided tonight. She is amazing.) Some of the nicer of my currently out-of-town friends are hosting a BBQ this week to celebrate my birthday (and someone elses, also lost in the mix) - so that makes me feel a little less neglected.

And yes, I do feel neglected, in general. I feel like I even tried kinda hard to hang out with some folks tonight to no avail. I tried to get people in town to come to the bar on my birthday, and that kind of failed, too, but it's passed and whatever - life goes on. At least I have cookies.